A new change

    Wow, has my life changed!!! Last Tuesday afternoon I got a call from my DON saying they had a position open up at a sister branch about 25 or so miles away and to ask if I was interested. She said she had to know my answer in the next couple of hours so I said yes.  I was also told that I would get "one on one" training for the new computer based charting we were transitioning to. Keep in mind I have had absolutely no training with this stuff because I at the time didn't need it, due to my original position being terminated. (here)  Everyone else has had like 3 weeks of it.  Boy did I make the wrong choice (maybe in the long run it was the right choice)  I went to my home branch Wednesday morning for our weekly meeting then was at the new office by 11:00 or so.  I knew the moment I walked in the door I had made the wrong decision.  I should have gone over there the day before...before I gave my answer, and met with the people.  It was all I could do to make it through the day. And the drive to and from the office SUCKED!!! It took me about an hour to get there and then to get back.  Horrible. I went back Thursday and worked all day. I barely made it to my car before I completely lost it.  I did have to go to the bathroom and have a few meltdowns during the day but it all came out when I was walking to my car.... and the entire hour drive home the tears continued to poor.  I have never felt like that before. I was so overwhelmed, this was day 2 and I had maybe 20 minutes total of training, a whole new team of patients to learn on top of that, and just such a higher number of patients....more than I was used to having. Plus as soon as I got there my new branch manager was giving me old stuff to clear up (from the person I was replacing) reports to be done which involved the new system. Every time I mentioned that I had no clue how to work the reports or other issues it was "everyone is having a hard time" "everyone is in training". I was so sick of hearing that! No, I HAVE HAD NO TRAINING!!!  Geez!!  I went back Friday and it felt like my throat was closing in, I felt like I couldn't breath. I think I was having an anxiety attack.  I cried the whole way home again knowing this wasn't going to work.  I told my DON I had made the wrong decision.  She said I had 3 options. 1) resign and not work out my notice and not be eligible for rehire, 2) work my 2 weeks notice, and then stay PRN, and be eligible for rehire, or 3) give it more time.  My severance was out of the question. Which I knew it was.  If it meant that company could not pay out money then by golly it's not gonna.  I just wanted to go back to my home branch and work out my 2 weeks, but that wasn't an option. I had the worst weekend ever because of this. I cried all weekend. I broke down in church, at the grocery store, everywhere.  I didn't run my 5K I signed up for and I didn't go to my AdvoCare family fun day.  I was so upset.  I talked it over with Roger and I decided to just resign.  Life is just too short to be miserable.  Something in me just snapped and I had reached my breaking point. I was stressed and grumpy all the time.  Just with the new office,  it all came to a head.  So Monday, I resigned from my position. I am looking for part time work a few days a week so that I can be my most important role of  a mother and wife. 
     Now it is Thursday, this week has been one of the best and scariest of my life. It's been the best because I am able to be there for my baby girl and for my husband unlike I have been before. I get to be there when she wakes up in the morning and cook her breakfast.  We have gone to the park, the splash pad, got snow cones, and all that fun stuff.  Looking for free fun.  We haven't been out to eat since all this happened. I think all I have spent this week so far is 35 buck on some gas.  I am able to have supper cooked for Rog and not gripe to him as soon as he walks in the door. Which I know he appreciates.  Life is just so much more than making money. I know you have to make a living but we spend so much on just crap. There is no telling how much we waste.  We will have to adjust our lifestyles a bit but I know we will be fine.  For me now, I feel it is more important for me to be with Brylee a little more.  If it doesn't work out with me working part time then I will go back and find something full time.   I am going to cherish this time I have with her. I am going to get to know her unlike I have before, I am going to cherish every mess, and every tantrum.  I know she will be 18 in the blink of an eye. I want time to slow down. I'm tired of living for 4:30 and for the weekends.  I'm just rushing my one life away.  I know God has a reason for everything and for some reason I acted completely unlike myself last week so much that I freaking resigned from my job!! But I will be ok. God will not give me more than I can handle.
I will leave you with some pictures of the best days I have had lately....

Brylee at the splash pad. the first day we were unprepared and didn't have a swim suit.

 She is mommy's helper, helping me clean closet

 Doing her little dance!  lol